Cracked Onion

October 26, 2005

Before settling into a premature retirement of Amos and Andy reruns and afternoon naps, Bends' father Mankato, better known as Mank, rode sidesaddle in Sheriff Detroit's legendary posse. Their mission was to bring the law to remote patches of the Calliope Desert, and in doing so they struck fear in the hearts and boots of illegal fur trappers and ostrich egg poachers who dared set foot within their jurisdiction, which included such roughneck towns as Frothings, Villa Sicko, and the nefarious Pesto South.

Mank was the jokester of the bunch, always ready with a quip. Sheriff Detroit favored him above all his other men, as much for his good nature and generosity as his sharpshooting prowess. Detroit yearned to bequeath him with a fitting nickname, but the ones he tried on for size—Deadeye Mank, Deadeye Finkelstein—just didn't seem to lend him the dignity he deserved. That was possibly the only thing Detroit left unfinished when he left this mortal coil.

One time, Detroit and Mank were huddled atop a bluff overlooking the smoldering campfire of some notorious cattlerustlers. They were sharing a smoke, pondering the shootout that would occur the following morning, knowing that every shootout might well be their last. Detroit looked over at his friend and colleague, looked him up and down a good solid minute, then he said:

"Mank, if you was a woman, I'd do you right about now."

The shootout the next morning went well. One of the bandits lost two fingers when his pistol backfired. One of the sheriff's men got a hole shot through his canteen. The rustlers were rounded up and brought back to the Villa Sicko jail. The cattle were returned to their rightful owner. A week later, Mank resigned, citing emotional turmoil, and headed east to raise a family and get religion.

It was around then that Sheriff Detroit's opium problem started to attract notice.

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